Why coming out is so important and some words of wisdom from a man who knows how hard it can be.
Coming out is terrifying, trust me I know. But there’s one man whose coming out story is even impactful than you or I could imagine. It’s a scary thing weather you’re young and in school, or in an established career, it doesn’t matter. Sharing a part of yourself that is so inherently private is something that will never not be messy, intense and terrifying. Although everyone's experience is different they all share a common thread, something that links them. Having to ‘come out’ and tell the people closest to you something as deeply personal as this, subverting their expectations and revealing that you’re slightly different to what they thought is no small feat. This might be hard to understand if you’ve never had to do it.
Lord Chris Smith was the first ever openly gay MP, coming out in 1984 a time when being gay wasn’t nearly as accepted as it is today. For starters, gay marriage was only legalised in 2013 in the UK. But that's not even the most interesting thing about him, he made national museum and gallery access free in the UK, and told me that this was the highlight of his career and something he is “very proud of doing”.
The courage it must have taken to stand in front of an audience and say the words, “I’m gay” is immeasurable. I asked Lord Smith why it was so important he did this. He said, “I felt it was very important right from the outset to demonstrate that someone that happened to be gay could do an equally good job as anyone else could at being a member of parliament”.
Lord Smith said, “I never regretted coming out publicly, for a single moment after I did so”.
“I never regretted coming out publicly, for a single moment after I did so." - Chris Smith
Lord Smith was the Labour MP for Islington South and Finsbury. Before coming out his majority was 363 votes, and he says 12-13 years later his majority jumped to 15,000 votes. This is a sizable increase and shows that when we take a leap of faith like this we really don’t know what can happen.
Although it is important for people in positions of power to come out so that representation can emerge in all sectors, Lord Smith told me that he thinks “the reason we were able to make such enormous progress on LGBT equality throughout the 1990’s and 2000s was because ordinary people had come out all over the place.” This widespread action that LGBTQ people took, choosing to share this part of themselves was and still is integral to steps for equality and diminishing discrimination.
He says that “people were discovering that their friends and family, people in their workplace and their neighbourhood were coming out, that they were perfectly normal and wonderful and valuable people. I think that changed people’s minds and attitudes completely.”
Looking back on certain situations it’s tempting to think about how we would have done
things differently but Lord Smith told me the piece of advice he would give to his younger self. He said, “have courage take the step of talking about yourself and your sexual orientation, there is nothing really to be afraid of and you will do a lot of good by doing it”.
“Have courage take the step of talking about yourself and your sexual orientation, there is nothing really to be afraid of and you will do a lot of good by doing it.” - Chris
No one experience is more valuable than another and everyone’s coming out story is important, I hope that being able to share this story can give you some hope for the future, if you’re scared and questioning what to do. Always know that there will be a community of people waiting to welcome you.
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